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Ralph Breaks the Internet review: Wreck-It Ralph respawns

Ralph Breaks the Internet is the sequel that I don’t know needed to exist. Don’t get me wrong, people. I loved the first Ralph movie, but it was pretty much a one-and-done. The need to revisit completed stories like this feels way more like television than film. Now, younger readers might ask why that’s a bad thing. Well, it’s the nature of narrative.

Felix and Jane Lynch had their story ended. Even Ralph and Vanellope were left to be masters of their own misfit domain. Nobody had anything left to do, as all arcs were completed. But, Disney wanted more money and the spark of a new story began. Sarah Silverman is bored of her new life and wants to explore the Internet. If this was a Lifetime movie, this would only end in tears and a cheesy knock-off of a seedy cam show. Thankfully, Disney owns half of Hollywood and got to load their cartoon Internet with all of its properties.

C-3PO is the butler to the Disney Princesses. I think I saw a Tron guy and a couple of stormtroopers. Condorman killed a kid, while Mombi huffed nitrous. Honestly, it was pretty sick. If that was the real movie, people should have rioted over Spider-Man winning the Oscar. Unfortunately, we had to have yet another girl power movie about cool it is to ultimately do nothing. Gal Gadot got to steal focus, while Taraji P. Henson actually offered something to the paper-thin narrative.

If you pay attention to the race, you’ll notice how inconsequential Vanellope’s story about finding herself is to the film. The virus subplot is forgotten in order to make the film work. Plus, what was up with making Wreck-It Ralph do side quests to raise money for a broken wheel? This is a sitcom episode about a single dad working, while his kid falls in with a bad crowd. I saw this shit on Punky Brewster when I was sticking chicken bones in my Rancor Monster toy’s mouth to make him movie accurate.

For a film that lasts nearly 2 hours, 30 minutes of the film are completely inconsequential. In TV, that 30 minutes would be considered a backdoor pilot for an inevitable Princess Vanellope series of movies. I realize that some of our readers are too young to get that. A backdoor pilot now is that weird Stranger Things 2 episode where Eleven runs away to Chicago. Get the comparison now?

Honestly, I don’t see where they go from here. Will Ralph and Vanellope reunite in VR? What about a TV special where Ralph learns the true meaning of Arbor Day? How can a film series with only two installments feel so over-saturated? Still, I’m going to give it a pass for Merida in the Disney Princesses scene. Mad respect for Brave, ‘yo.

Ralph Breaks the Internet special features

  • How We Broke the Internet –Go behind the scenes at Walt Disney Animation Studios to get an in-depth look at how the filmmakers brought a world to life that billions of people visit every day but never actually see – the internet. Take a front-row seat as the team reveals the inspirations for the story and what it took to bring it to the screen. Discover all that went into developing the characters of the film including netizens like KnowsMore as well as characters like Double Dan. See the lengths the team took to create the car chase scenes in Slaughter Race and much, much more.
  • Surfing for Easter Eggs – Surf the web for the near-countless Easter Eggs, inside jokes and references hidden throughout the movie.
  • The Music of Ralph Breaks the Internet – Take a look at the music of Ralph Breaks the Internet with appearances by Imagine Dragons, Julia Michaels, Alan Menken, Sarah Silverman and more.
  • Deleted Scenes – Five deleted scenes with intros from directors Rich Moore and Phil Johnston. Scenes include Into the Internet, Opposites, Domestic Hell, Bubble of One & Recruiting “Grandma.”
  • BuzzzTube Cats – Many videos were created by the animators to fill the screens of the Internet world…and lots of them are of cats! Check out the BuzzzTube to watch this hilarious cat compilation.
  • Music Videos – “Zero” by Imagine Dragons and “In This Place” by Julia Michaels.

Digital Exclusive:

  • Baby Drivers – Slaughter Racing School – Take a spin behind the wheel with the artists behind Ralph Breaks the Internet as they go to race car driving school.

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