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“Logan” is a film that I sat on covering for a bit. Thanks to a few unpleasant emails and deadline threats, I’ve decided to finally talk about it. Judging by the amount of man wank online, I’m assuming that the entire Internet has seen it by now. So, it’s time to kill your Canuck midge friend. Wolverine is always the worst crutch that Marvel, FOX or even the X-films has in their arsenal.

Sure, Jackman has taken his performance to the level of Reeve as Superman or RDJ as Iron Man. But, the solo movies don’t ever let him stretch out and hit those possible high notes. Whose fault is it? James Mangold is a capable director who tried to squeeze blood from a stone for “The Wolverine”. Then, “Days of Future Past” undercut the momentum that Mangold achieved with his first Wolverine film. Now, he gets to timeline hop into the future of the X-franchise.

The X-Men facing extinction or impending death isn’t new for comic fans. Hell, most of the 1980s were spent with Summers children fleeing back in time to detail mutant genocide with detailed Claremont dialogue. This film turns that fear of extinction into an Anti-Vaxxer like stance against chemical tampering. Mutants are getting bred out via chemicals and the last few left are being held hostage for experimentation.

Caliban and Professor X show up to anchor Logan for a bit, but he’s too busy playing driver to get what matters. Patrick Stewart is one of the two strong points of this film and he makes his time as Professor X work. But, he’s a crotchety old man serving as a way to keep Logan even more grounded. What? You thought his adamantium poisoning and slowing healing factor wasn’t enough? Well, you read me too long and now he’s got a cute kid sidekick named Laura (X-23).

Chuck X, Logan and Laura are going to haul ass to Canada, but a nasty group of cyborgs named The Reavers are after them. Due to a lesser budget to get that Edgy R rating, the cybernetics are slim and the cool Reavers get left out. Tack on Logan getting the wrong people involved in the run to Canada and then toss in the cliche X-Men lab rescue to pad out this film. Still with me? Good.

Man movie porn is still a problem. If you take the average male movie fan and make them go from action to understood emotion, they lose their composure. So many guys online are trying to look brave talking about how Logan and Chuck’s last stands hit that emotional soul trapping. The children tell me that’s called “The Feels”. That’s what I get for buying site help off the Dark Net. Back to the terribly mature movie about an old Canadian man, I wasn’t a fan.

Everything with these movies keeps coming back to the comics that I love, but it remains true. Wolverine done solo almost always make for terrible entertainment. Ellis, Claremont and Miller could squeeze out a few killer solo stories, but the lack of a group dynamic always created a walking IP brand and less of a character. Wolverine needs the X-Men and the X-Men need him. Wolverine doesn’t have enough of a personality to function solo and the national praise for Professor X and Laura shows that.

Deadpool outgrossed any Wolverine solo flick with one film by having a dynamic lead that engaged viewers. The days of rugged old men wandering America as Postmodern Ronin doesn’t quite function anymore. What is Wolverine taking on a kid anymore? What will Laura do now with the rescued kids in Eden? No one cares, that’s why the trilogy ended. Laura and her ilk will end up having their “Beyond Thunderdome” finale and fading into movie history. While “Logan” barely matters as a film, it’s still far better than Gavin Hood’s first stab at the character. Poor Mister Hood. You had a promising career before you laid that egg.


  • 2 hr and 17 mins
  • R
  • 20th Century Fox


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