short story

  • PORFLE PRESENTS: “HORSE ATTACK!!!”

    I don’t go to the movies very often anymore, but last week I was having my house sprayed for fleas and needed a place to hang out for a couple of hours. Since I no longer frequent pool halls and videogame arcades as I did in my younger days,...
  • PORFLE’S CHRISTMAS BUMMER

    I never tried to wait up for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve when I was a kid, because my parents told me that if Santa came by and I was still awake, he would skip our house.  This filled me with a terror unlike any I’d ever known, except...
  • PORFLE GOES TO THE CARNIVAL

    One day, I noticed a big hustle and bustle going on somewhere at the other end of town, so I asked my friend Dave what was going on. “The carnival’s in town!” said Dave. “Wow!” I marveled.  “What’s a ‘carnival’?” “What’s a carnival?” Dave echoed.  “It’s a thing with...
  • PORFLE’S PIPPI LONGSTOCKING AND BULLDOZER HALLOWEEN SPECIAL

    Oh, how fondly I remember the nostalgic Halloween that just happened to fall right in the middle of my “Pippi Longstocking” phase.  I had just finished reading those wonderful books by Astrid Lindgren, and was so obsessed with them that I didn’t leave the house for over two months...
  • PORFLE: BIG HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGUL

    I was sitting in front of the TV one day, watching some DVDs that I’d rented such as DOCTOR ZHIVAGO and TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, when suddenly a thought occurred to me.  “Why, I could make movies that are ten times better than these!” I said to nobody in...
  • PORFLE IN: “LIVE FREELY OR DIE HARDLY”

    Here’s a couple of things a lot of people don’t know about the classic Bruce Willis action flick DIE HARD.  One, it really happened.  Two, John McClane, the NYPD cop portrayed by Willis in the film, wasn’t by himself during this amazing adventure because I, too, was there. That’s...
  • PORFLE MEETS ARNOLD VOSLOO

    Remember Arnold Vosloo, the guy who played “Im-Ho-Tep” in those recent “Mummy” movies?  If you do, then you can probably understand how easy it is to become totally, irrevocably obsessed with him to the point of sheer, gibbering insanity.  First of all, there’s that name–something about it seems to...
  • PORFLE MEETS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER’S SISTER

    One evening, as twilight gently descended over my cozy abode and I was just settling into my beloved swivel recliner to watch a Mickey Rooney marathon on TCM, a large foot came crashing through my front door.  It withdrew, and then the entire door was smashed into a million...
  • PORFLE IS: “ON HER MAJESTY’S STUPID SERVICE”

    Giddy as a schoolgirl over having just been promoted to the “Double-O” division of British Intelligence–due in part to the fact that my uncle was the Prime Minister and I blackmailed him with some photos I’d snapped of him having sex with Benny Hill’s sister–I giggled with delight and...