movies

  • This Flock Of Sheep Is Very Real, Even Though It Looks Like A Hallucination.

    Burn her anyway! Well, we did do the nose. And this isn’t my nose. This is a false one. Am I right? I am your king. No, no, no! Yes, yes. A bit. But she’s got a wart. …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? How do you know she...
  • PORFLE PRESENTS: “HORSE ATTACK!!!”

    I don’t go to the movies very often anymore, but last week I was having my house sprayed for fleas and needed a place to hang out for a couple of hours. Since I no longer frequent pool halls and videogame arcades as I did in my younger days,...
  • PORFLE: BIG HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGUL

    I was sitting in front of the TV one day, watching some DVDs that I’d rented such as DOCTOR ZHIVAGO and TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, when suddenly a thought occurred to me.  “Why, I could make movies that are ten times better than these!” I said to nobody in...
  • PORFLE’S OBSCURE MOVIE FACTS!

    Ah, Hollywood…that most mysterious of places.  Its dark secrets are legendary, its mysteries deep and often disturbing.  Even its fruitily fraudulent and fictitious fables of fantastic fickle fate are frankly fascinating when foisted as fact.  Here, then, are some of Hollywood’s most tantalizing tales, titillatingly touted as truth, yet...
  • WOULD YOU BUY GIRL SCOUT COOKIES FROM VIN DIESEL?

    One day the front doorbell rang, and I skipped merrily to answer it, singing “La-la-laaaa.” I opened the door, and, to my surprise, Vin Diesel was standing there on the porch, wearing a Girl Scout uniform. “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” he asked in that...
  • PORFLE’S FUTURE MOVIE CAREER

    If I ever become a famous movie star, I’m going to change my name to something cool, like “Breen Crudflop.”  So if you ever see a movie sometime in the future with Breen Crudflop in it, that’ll be me.  Unless, of course, someone steals my cool movie star name...