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I don’t go to the movies very often anymore, but last week I was having my house sprayed for fleas and needed a place to hang out for a couple of hours. Since I no longer frequent pool halls and videogame arcades as I did in my younger days,...
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I never tried to wait up for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve when I was a kid, because my parents told me that if Santa came by and I was still awake, he would skip our house. This filled me with a terror unlike any I’d ever known, except...
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One day, I noticed a big hustle and bustle going on somewhere at the other end of town, so I asked my friend Dave what was going on. “The carnival’s in town!” said Dave. “Wow!” I marveled. “What’s a ‘carnival’?” “What’s a carnival?” Dave echoed. “It’s a thing with...
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Oh, how fondly I remember the nostalgic Halloween that just happened to fall right in the middle of my “Pippi Longstocking” phase. I had just finished reading those wonderful books by Astrid Lindgren, and was so obsessed with them that I didn’t leave the house for over two months...
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I was sitting in front of the TV one day, watching some DVDs that I’d rented such as DOCTOR ZHIVAGO and TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, when suddenly a thought occurred to me. “Why, I could make movies that are ten times better than these!” I said to nobody in...
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Here’s a couple of things a lot of people don’t know about the classic Bruce Willis action flick DIE HARD. One, it really happened. Two, John McClane, the NYPD cop portrayed by Willis in the film, wasn’t by himself during this amazing adventure because I, too, was there. That’s...
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Remember Arnold Vosloo, the guy who played “Im-Ho-Tep” in those recent “Mummy” movies? If you do, then you can probably understand how easy it is to become totally, irrevocably obsessed with him to the point of sheer, gibbering insanity. First of all, there’s that name–something about it seems to...
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(NOTE: In order to get anything out of this, you have to have seen both Stanley Kubrick’s classic masterpiece 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and Coleman Francis’ classic messterpiece THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS. If you haven’t, it might not make much sense. If you have, it still might not...
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One evening, as twilight gently descended over my cozy abode and I was just settling into my beloved swivel recliner to watch a Mickey Rooney marathon on TCM, a large foot came crashing through my front door. It withdrew, and then the entire door was smashed into a million...