SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY REVIEWED
“Solo” is a sequel to a prequel, but a prequel to the prequel for the modern sequel trilogy. Once you wrap your mind around that Kirk Lazarus setup, then ponder this? Were Lando and L3 having sexing off-camera? This was a big point to me that the film kinda addressed, but never played up. In a galaxy where helper robots are a dime a dozen, why does Lando have a boner for his lady bot? She’s a great co-pilot and navigator, but others have shown they can do her work. So, why the theatrics on Kessel?
Jonathan Kasdan made a big deal to say that Lando was pansexual in the press materials leading up to the Solo theatrical release. While some have tried to walk back those comments, I believe it was a misdirect. So many people went the traditional route and tried to say that Han and Lando wanted to get together. Why? Well, we live in an era of surface readers that assumes two men that like the same ship and playing Space Poker with the local peasants constitutes a mutual interest in boning.
LANDO LIKES EVERYBODY
I do believe Lando is pansexual. As in he wants to bang humans and robots. For a group of people that want to challenge sexual politics, when they apply said theory to the fictions we consume it always comes out in a traditional way. Would America be ready for the suavest African Bespinite in the galaxy being down to pound his discus shaped artificial lover? Wouldn’t that be far more interesting than watching a Han Solo movie that stretched the opening of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade to 135 minutes?
Plus, it puts the Lobot situation on Cloud City into a brand new perspective. That little service disk around bald Lobot’s head has this S&M vibe now and Lando always has the keys to turn on his right hand man. You are now this far into a review and are realizing that I haven’t talked about Solo. This is the point where I fire the Lord and Miller apologist and bring in the Ron Howard loving pinch hitter. Naturally, this is where I lose the entirety of Film Twitter.
DEFENDING RON HOWARD
After all, don’t the guys that helped bring Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs to the big screen know more than one of George Lucas’s closest creative confidantes? This is the point where WB lost Justice League and many other studios botched several mid-film creative swaps. That’s not to say that Howard made it through unscathed. Thandie Newton and Jon Favreau were wasted in the movie. Michael K. Williams could’ve done way more with the character that Paul Bettany picked up between make-up sessions for The Vision. Then, there’s the fact that the new Disney continuity had to be kicked open at the cost of the mainstream audience’s understanding of what they’ve known since 1999.
If The Last Jedi made the mistake of leaning too hard into wiping the slate, then Solo goes the opposite way and wants to carve what’s canon into concrete. The result is an audience that felt betrayed in December now feeling like they’re being patronized, a TLJ loving audience wondering what happened to the bold takes and everyone else trying to figure out how Darth Maul is standing upright. Disney sure leaned hard into this one and are giving JJ Abrams the bag for Episode 9. Yet again, what does this all mean about Solo?
PART 1 OF A SERIES THAT DOESN’T NEED TO EXIST
Solo had the unenviable task of being the film that corrected the fan disdain, while establishing Han Solo’s origins. If Marvel couldn’t tell Wolverine’s backstory without some giant bumps, then what did Disney/Lucasfilm expect here? There comes a time where if someone’s backstory is inconsequential to their character development, then it’s not a pressing issue. There is nothing in Solo that hasn’t been learned in Rebels, the Original Trilogy or even the modern films. The box office gall to ask people to dive into a story with truly no consequences just shows me how far nerds have gone to ruin the modern box office.
What was once a comic book filler issue between stories has now become a summer tentpole for the Mouse House. I enjoyed myself, as I do at about 90% of Star Wars films. That being said, Solo was a story that didn’t need to be told. Hell, Harrison Ford was cool with Solo coming out of the carbonite dead in ROTJ. Then, he was cool with dying on the Falcon in the Death Star 2 blast. The point being is that the closest person to the character had the right feel on the character. Let it go!
But, it’s not like anyone listened to Mark Hamill’s similar feelings on The Last Jedi. While I can’t help but sense a pattern here, I have to finish my edits to what became a novella about a Star Wars origins film. Check it out this Holiday weekend as a lark between blasts of sweltering heat. Your local cinema might not have the best movies, but they still have quality air conditioning and functioning bathrooms.
- 2 hrs and 15 mins
RELEASE DATE: 5/25/18
The Plot Thus Far
During an adventure into the criminal underworld, Han Solo meets his future copilot Chewbacca and encounters Lando Calrissian years before joining the Rebellion.