Director: Darren Aronofsky
Writers: Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel
Cast: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connolly, Logan Lerman and Sir Anthony Hopkins
Studio: Paramount

“Noah” is about the best representation of the batshit crazy that comes out of religious people’s mouths. Aronofsky wanted to examine the dynamics of forcing a family into a tight location with animals, while they let their friends die. Noah isn’t a good guy, as much as he’s a zealot that wants to prove to the world that his vision is correct. The parallels are pretty strong, but let’s not dwell on them. I don’t want to have another group of buttholes trying to storm the comment section. Still, what has made the movie connect for me?

I have spent the last month and change enjoying the rants and laments of people that hated this film. My favorite was listening to a guy rant about Rock Monsters to me in the middle of a Steak ‘n’ Shake. If you can accept Methuselah being nearly a century old, two of every animal finding its way to the Ark and not one single case of family buggery happening on a prehistoric party boat, then Rock Monsters should be the least of your concerns. It’s like getting pissed off at the Lord of the Rings for not explaining what makes Hobbits so short. The lack of perspective and push to use fantasy texts for levels of accuracy is insane.

If anything comes out of this, I hope that we get more movies willing to take on the crazy fantasy aspects of the Bible and other popular books. Fantasy exists in a variety of shapes and tones. Why can’t we take a literal look at the fantasy aspects of those texts that we consider to be untouchable? Honestly, I see a lot of good coming from forcing people to examine the written word that they take as their personal mantra. It would be a ton of things in perspective.


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