“Christmas Ranch” follows a young girl, as she is nearly thrown out of school. She’s taken to a farm up-state where her grandmother uses the powers of horseplay to tame her wild heart. After learning that the farm is about to be foreclosed upon, the girl uses her new horse friend to save the day. It’s a tale as told as time. That doesn’t mean it makes any sense.

There’s something terrifyingly sexual about having so many fictional stories centered on teenage girls discovering their independence via riding horses. If you don’t know understand what I’m talking, then you might be too young to read this site. The film ends as most would expect, but how many of you guys are actually going to check it out? Does it matter? I’m trying to give you kids recommendations for things to buy your parents and relatives during the Holidays. They need this, while you stuff your faces with Italian horror and Run The Jewels CDs.

Your aunt is going to love this more than Donald Trump. I kid now, but I hope that doesn’t become a haunting look at the upcoming future.


  • Featurette
  • Trailer


  • 1.78:1 standard definition transfer
  • Dolby Digital 2.0

RELEASE DATE: 11/15/16

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