BAYWATCH (2017) 17


“Baywatch” is the kind of movie that comedy shows used to parody. Such a self-aware, yet soulless attempt to capitalize on a popular show. Some might bring up “21 Jump Street”, but at least that was funny. This film desperately wants to live up to that kind of comedy. Dwayne Johnson does his best at New Era Mitch, but he’s just posing his way through this movie. The same can be said for Zac Efron, but he seems to have the motions down.

Did you like the old show? Well, some people did and there is a great deal of fan service played to that. What hurts the movie is how bad it wants to be above the material, yet slavishly focuses on every detail from the show. Crimes are too big for the beach? Keep calling attention to it and then mock the lifeguards. Eventually, they’ll save the day in a rather brutal manner. But, just keep making fun of everyone trying to move the plot forward.

Are you laughing yet? Why aren’t you laughing? The cinematic geniuses behind Identify Thief want to know why this didn’t work for you! I’ve been dragging ass a bit on these reviews, so I got to see The Rock have a slight meltdown over critics not enjoying the film. I know that the stupid person’s response is to bad mouth criticism and act like general mouth breathers attending the cinema are a mark of improvement. In a way, it colors the future of this film. “Baywatch” will become the kind of movie that plays on Comedy Central during the weekends.

This will become background noise, while you cook dinner. This is the kind of movie that used to have its own wall at Blockbuster for a month. It’s vapid, but it exists.


  • R
  • 1 hr and 56 mins
  • Paramount


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