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SEAL PATROL

sealpatroldvdbox

 

FROM THE BACK OF THE BOX:

After losing contact with a clandestine energy-research facility, a powerful venture capitalist contracts an elite team of operatives to retrieve the physicist who holds the key to an unprecedented alternate energy source. Upon arrival, the operatives are ambushed by an extra-dimensional creature that has mutilated the onsite personnel. The team must develop a new brand of warfare if there is to be any hope of making it out alive.

FROM THE BACK OF MY BRAIN:

“Seal Patrol” is a film that plays like the cutscenes from the worse NES game ever made. Basically, a team goes in to rescue a guy that is researching energy policy. He might have found a new energy source, but shit is for nerds. It’s time for guns, coordinated strikes and a monster to come out of a portal and eat people. Throw in some scrolling text and a John Carpenter synth score and it should be enough to keep fat nerds throttling their jock for decades to come.

Navy SEALs are such a staple of dumb dude cinema. While “Act of Valor” is the apex of this trend, one has to admire the low budget crass nature of this release. But, what is cinema other than fantastical propaganda for the dumb and easily amused? I love that films like these exist, so people know that they can’t take cinema seriously anymore. Show business is a business and this schlock will outgross everyone of your beloved independent films. Cry yourself to sleep tonight, Cahiers du Cinema.

The DVD comes with a Digital Copy, featurette and a photo gallery. The A/V Quality is pretty flat. The standard definition transfer works for what it is. The Dolby track works for what it is, but the gunplay helps to sing the background channels. In the end, I’d recommend a rental.

RELEASE DATE: 02/11/2014

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