POMPEII

POMPEIIposter

 

THESE PEOPLE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THEY MADE THIS:

Director: Paul W.S. Anderson

Writers: Janet Scott Batchler, Lee Batchler and Michael Robert Johnson

Cast: Kit Harrington, Kiefer Sutherland, Emily Browning, Jared Harris and Carrie-Anne Moss

Studio: SONY/Columbia

WHAT WE THOUGHT

“Pompeii” is a Gladiator rip-off until the volcano erupts. That’s it. Everyone waits an hour to see Pompeii get destroyed, but you’ve got to sit through scenes of Kiefer Sutherland humbling a young gladiator and his subsequent revenge. What does this mean for all of us? Well, Paul Anderson is going to keep directing Paul Anderson movies until the end of time. Either you’re onboard with his crap or you cut and run to a better movie. If anything, this is a movie meant for the home theater. You can enjoy the spectacle of Pompeii’s mighty destruction without investing too much of yourself.

Kit Harrington shows here that “Game of Thrones” will be the only thing he’s remembered for doing. Playing Milo the Celt, he pales in comparison to the other Gladiators. The fights are forced and everything feels like a build to get the chick from Lemony Snicket to make goo-goo eyes at him. Fortunately, the token black Gladiator gets to drop some ancient Roman magical negro words of wisdom on him. If we were doing this in true Latin fashion, he couldn’t use the letters J, U or W. See, folks? I took nearly a decade of the language and I still remember the basic tenets.

If you do happen on this film in theaters, then you probably saw it within two weeks of initial release. I fully expect it to be gone by the time the unnecessary 300 sequel drops, so you might be able to piggyback a Thursday night last showing onto a midnight screening of that film. But, I don’t know if you can handle the one-two sucker punch of that bullshit. If you did end up liking this movie, you’re probably a mouth breather that already has the 3D Blu-Ray pre-ordered at Wal-Mart. Who says I don’t connect with my readership?!?

RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW!

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